The majority of us know: we need boundaries. With work. With family; friends; relationships.
We know we are stretched thin.
We know we give our energy quicker than we receive it.
We know when we actually meant 'No' but said 'yes' instead.
Most struggle with the concept of setting boundaries through fear of being thought of as of uncaring, selfish, difficult, perceived lack of time/energy
Something very uncomfortable happens when we start thinking about laying boundaries. We start hearing a little voice-
"Am I being selfish?"
"If I say no, will I let people down?"
"It's easier to just do it myself"
"I'll do it when things calm down"
"They'll think I'm just being difficult"
So instead of protecting our energy, we continue pushing through. We keep the extra commitment; we answer the message late at night; We take on responsibility which isn't ours and we prioritise everyone/everything else before ourselves. This leads us to the potential stressors/triggers and opens up more tabs in our brain space- that there is no space for. I think we know what happens then.
I'd like to ReFrame these thoughts into:
"What will happen to my physical and mental health & wellbeing, if I don't set any boundaries?"
Boundaries are not there to keep people out. They aren't walls, they are the foundations. A healthy boundary doesn't say 'I don't care about you/this', it says 'I care about this relationship/job and my own wellbeing enough to show up properly.
Without boundaries, resentment can grow.
Boundaries don't destroy relationships, poorly communicated expecations do.
Boundaries are difficult to set- we have spend many, many years creating our identity around the 'helpful', 'reliable', 'the one that gets s*** done'- which are amazing qualities, don't get me wrong. I'm with this exact identity- hense me writing it. But when dependandable, efficient and kind comes at the expense of your own health and wellbeing- it's no longer sustainable.
I love biology- so I shall use it. Your body is a battery. Your brain, your muscles, pulse, blood pressure, organs- they all need rest. You lift some weights in a training session- you will not gain strength and progress without adequate rest. It's not sustainable. You give birth- contractions have a break, albeit not very long- but long enough for the baby and the mother need to recoop blood supply, oxygen, position changes, energy to continue.
Every decision, movement, responsibility, conversation requires something from you. If you continually withdraw energy without replenishing it, eventually there is nothing left.
This is basic biology- not a weakness. Your brain is no different.
Setting boundaries without guilt
Firstly, get clear on what is draining you.
What situations leave you exhausted?
What am I agreeing to out of guilt, rather than choice?
What am I continuing because I feel responsible, rather than what aligns with my priorities?
No need to over-explain
There is no need to justify your boundaries. A simple: "I'm not able to commit to that right now' is enough".
Expect to feel uncomfortable
If this is the first time setting boundaries for yourself, it is very normal to feel uncomfortable. This isn't because what you are doing is wrong- it's because It's new. Growth regularly feels uncomfortable before it feels natural. Remember- these feelings will be coming from the back of fear from how you think you will be viewed.
No need to say sorry- don't appologise for yourself
There is a different between "I'm sorry I can't do that, I feel terrible" {guilt}
and
"I won't be able to take this on, but thank you for thinking of me" {self respect}
ReFraming how we view boundaries, getting over our self doubt and need to justify and appologise for not taking absolutely everything on at once- ENABLES growth, free headspace, less stressors and a life that is enjoyable and sustainable. Every boundary you set protects a little more of your energy which is precious. Every boundary you keep- reinforces the message that your health and wellbeing matters too!
That isn't selfish. It's sustainable.
At Jenkins Fitness, we focus on creating strong foundations rather than quick fixes. Through movement, nutrition, mindset and sustainable habits, we help you build the resilience to cope, adapt and thrive—not just when life is going well, but especially when it isn't.